. . . And, once again, the pendulum swings back the other way – from “Yay Africa!” to “Fuck this shit.”
The latest unpleasantness from the neighboorhood is that the neighbor's kids acquired a puppy, and it is one of the most miserable animals I have ever seen. The kids kick it around, pick it up by its front or back legs, and generally just torture it. They also bring it to my door every day, shouting “Butch is hungry! Butch wants milk!” When I give Butch food, he acts as though he has not been fed in weeks, eating so fast that he almost chokes.
The worst part is, sometimes when I have some old gross food that I want to give to the dog, the kids will steal it and eat it themselves. Today I wanted to give Butch a little bit of bread, and when I opened the door, six or seven kids were standing there, looking up at me and saying “Give me bread! Give me bread!!” I was irritated by the demands, shooed them away, and told them the bread was for Butch. Then I thought, wow, I am a terrible person; I just told a bunch of kids I wouldn't give them food so that I could feed a fucking dog.
The whole situation is pretty shitty. Even if they wanted to sell him, I can't offer to buy Butch and raise him myself because, really, what would I do with him? Most days, I am away from the house for 11 or so hours at a time. I can't lock him inside for that amount of time, and if I leave him outside to run around with the kids, things won't really be all that different than they are now. Anyway, I don't think there's any way to get rabies vaccinations here, and there's certainly no de-worming or de-fleaing medication, so I don't know how I could possibly keep him healthy. Furthermore, Butch is getting to be a pretty mean animal. Even just last week I could pick him up and hold him, but now, as soon as anyone gets close, he growls and threatens to bite. It's no wonder with the way the kids treat him, but I don't want to be the owner of a vicious animal.
I'm starting to think the best solution is to stop giving Butch any food. I would be absolved of all responsibility and guilt for giving food to a dog instead of to people, and possibly he would starve to death relatively quickly. Of course, if he didn't, he would just be even more miserable than if I gave him the little bit of food that I do.
It's a pretty awesome decision to try to make, and it makes me feel like a pretty fantastic person: deciding whether or not to try to starve a puppy to death.
Anyway, sorry for the cranky entry. There is another reason that I'm so unhappy today – I just don't feel all that great. I complained about having classes be canceled for stupid reasons outside my control. Now I have missed almost two days of school due to something which isn't totally within my control but feels like it should be – a stupid fucking low-grade fever. It has varied between 100-101 degrees; not enough that I actually feel particularly sick, but enough so that when I'm doing anything other than lying in bed, all I want to do is go home and lie in bed. Of course, when I am at home lying in bed, feeling moderately OK, all I can do is feel bored and guilty about skipping out on work, and kick myself for being such a worthless lazy piece of shit.